On August 20, 2023, during a custody exchange, my abuser lunged and shouted at my 7 year old daughter and I while we were in my Toyota Sienna minivan. When I closed and locked my doors to prevent him from entering our vehicle, he stood behind my van to try and block us from leaving. All I wanted was to exit the situation so that things could be figured out after he de-escalated. With him blocking my exit, my only option was to pull to the side of his driveway into the grass and try to turn around. As I did so, he launched his body from about 3 feet away at my passenger side window and hung off of the mirror while screaming desperately, ‘Help!!! She’s running me over!!!! Helllllp!!!!” She’s running me over!!!!” I believe he did this because it was difficult for him to grasp his lack of control over me in that situation, which led him to at least try to gain control of the the narrative. He continued to hang on, repeatedly smashing his body into the side of my car, leaving dents and scratches. As I slowly rolled to the end of his driveway, I came to a halt, knowing that if I pulled out onto the road with a 50 mph posted speed limit, I would quite likely kill or injure him. He let go of the mirror when I stopped and kept his hands on the hood of my car, shuffling his feet so he could stand in front of my van without me escaping. That’s how the state police found us when they pulled up. Under a threat of arrest, he finally backed down. I was given permission to leave, and advice that I should have “just run him over” (with my 7 year old in the back seat!??). It took two years for the courts to address the situation, and when they finally did, I was punished for allowing my distraught daughter to flee her escalated, out-of-control father who was trying to take her out of state against her will following the custody exchange. “She [our daughter] should have never been given the choice,” the judge wrote, and then she awarded him with four full summer vacation weeks every summer until the kids are 18 along with a return to nearly 50/50 custody. The message was clear: Kids shouldn’t have choices.
How could a judge look right past all the evidence including a video of the incident and photos of the damage he did to my car? How could she ignore the pattern of instability he had demonstrated? How could she empower him to go on behaving in this way?
Justice is on its head. (Habakkuk 1)
I have another story for you, and this one may be harder to reconcile.
Today, on July 13, 2026, a video taken 3.5 miles from where I work, shows a Toyota Prius very slowly rolling as it sought an exit from a barricade of vehicles and armed men in the street. Instead of letting him go and radioing for backup as trained law enforcement would have done, escalated men in vests can be seen approaching his vehicle on foot and hanging onto his door handles, trying desperately to control a situation in which they no longer felt powerful.
The narrative is a familiar one: he tried to run them over.
The man inside the white car never got to go to court and fight the narrative like I did. He wasn’t punished with separation from his child for four weeks every summer like I was. Instead, thanks to four bullet wounds, his child will never see him again. He didn’t get reprimanded by a judge on a piece of paper. He got the death penalty in the street.
If you can see the humanity in one white woman’s story, why does that same compassion end for a man born without the same “privilege” that I have?
The unfeeling comments of many online have a familiar ring:
“He should have never been given the choice.”
The message is clear. “‘Illegals’ shouldn’t have choices.”
Even though he never had the chance to go before a judge, I still have the same questions that I am asking myself, and which motivated me to make this post despite what it may cost me personally:
How can we look past all the evidence that has been presented, including photos and videos? How can we ignore the pattern of instability that these men keep on demonstrating? How can we empower them to go on behaving this way?
Justice is on its head.
I do not care what your political leanings are. I do not care if you are part of the leadership in a church that “doesn’t make political statements.” This man’s life mattered. Justice matters. Compassion matters. And most of the Christians around me have gone about their day as if nothing happened. My church? Silent. My family? Silent. [Edited 7/14/26 to add that after about 36 hours had passed since the incident, my church has now made a public statement calling for compassion to be the foundation of our words and actions, and for increased recognition of the worth of every human being. They have also created an action plan to partner with a local mental health agency offering access to a team of people trained in trauma response. It’s a great place to start.]
Only my friends, many of whom I do not share political beliefs, are the ones that I hear speaking up.
Please tell me that there are other believers out there who will lift their voices and say that any man who makes power his god cannot truly be of God. Any man willing to build his kingdom on murder, extortion, and sexual sin cannot truly be of God.
As I said in a previous post,
“If we do not end the silence, we will keep on ending the silenced.”
I came across this Bible passage in my search for answers and could not bring rest to my eyes tonight without sharing it:
Zephaniah 3, paraphrased
Doom to the rebellious [nation], home of the oppressors–Sewer City!
The [nation] that wouldn’t take advice, wouldn’t accept correction, wouldn’t trust God…Her very own leaders are rapacious lions, her judges are rapacious timber wolves out every morning prowling for a fresh kill. Her prophets are out for what they can get. They’re opportunists– you can’t trust them. Her priests desecrate the sanctuary. They use God’s law as a weapon to maim and kill souls.
Yet God remains righteous in her midst, untouched by evil. He stays at it, day after day, meting out justice. At evening, He’s still at it, as strong as ever.
It’s evil men and women without conscience and without shame who persist in evil.
GOD’S DECREE
Your day in court is coming, and remember that I’ll bring the evidence. I’ll bring them all into the courtroom, and let them feel the brunt of my anger, my raging wrath. My zeal is a fire that will purge and purify the earth.
In the end I will turn things around for the people. I’ll give them a language undistorted, unpolluted–Words to address God in worship and, united, to serve Me with their shoulders to the wheel. They’ll come from all over–beyond Ethiopia–they’ll come praying. All my scattered, exiled people will come home to worship. I’ll leave a core of people among you who are poor in spirit–who will make their home in God. These holy people will not do wrong. They will not lie, flatter, or seduce with their words. Content with who they are and where they are, unanxious, they’ll live at peace.
The accumulated sorrows of your exile will dissipate. I, your God, will get rid of them for you. You’ve carried those burdens long enough. I’ll get rid of all those who have made your life miserable. I’ll heal the maimed. I’ll bring home the homeless. In the very countries where they were hated, they will be venerated. I’ll bring you back home–a great family gathering. You’ll be famous and honored all over the world. You’ll see it with your very own eyes–all those painful partings turned into reunions.
GOD’S PROMISE
I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of living in Sewer-City and pretending everything will work out if I just mind my own business. I refuse to lie, flatter, or seduce with my words (or the lack thereof.)